----"When I have no one around to tell me I can't. I've always done mysterious things."---- Bijay Gautam

Saturday, 19 July 2014

Asking: A Monumental Success Strategy




I just kept doing big things,
then asking for promotions once I did them. Doing, asking, doing, asking.
-Danille LaPorte

I am on the verge of completing my summer internship in this totally new place. I encountered many amazing peoples to spend time and had been able to learn a lot from them. It’s been enthralling holiday here with much learning and exploring.
          
Last week, I won Toastmaster Noida chapter’s Best table topics speaker. With this I bagged this title two weeks in a row. I love exploring and welcoming opportunities into my life. I spoke about importance of being an explorer in my last post. Today I am writing this yet another highly valuable post on power of asking.
How often do you ask for the things you need with someone who owns it? It could be asking for materialistic help or ideological one. For e.g. asking to help you in solving those difficult mathematics problems or offering you to work with the person who is proficient in skill you want to learn or maybe asking to lend a book or giving you lift on the way. Have you ever realized that your friend or someone you know ask for things straight and gets ahead in life and achieve even bigger success? Do you remember any circumstance or any opportunity you missed just because you feared of asking or placing your request to the concerned person? Remember that biggest opportunity you spoiled just because you didn’t spoke to your teacher, boss, parents or even strangers.

I realized the power of asking last year and had been able to enjoy many opportunities and experiences. I used to be the one who feared a lot in asking for help from people who could help me. I was afraid in calling customer care numbers and ask for assistance in my mobile network or laptop. I was afraid in asking for lift with strangers on way. I was afraid on asking teachers to make me understand the subject I found difficult. The frequently coming limiting thoughts within my mind before I was able to present myself in-front of the person or place were (in the sequence of major contributing thoughts):
1) What if he rejected?                      
2) What will he think of me?
3) What if he became angry and insulted me?                       
4) I will ask it later this afternoon or next morning.
5) I will request one of my friends to do this for me.
 6) Do I really want this?                   
7) I wish he come to me and offer it.

These thoughts virtually blocked many opportunities. I realized this and wanted to sort this out. I imagined what if I could go ahead and ask for whatever I needed without any fear and limitations. I saw boundless opportunities on my imagination. I started reading articles on how to ask politely for help and read Dale Carnegie’s book How to win friends and influence people and Jack Canfield’s The Aladdin Factor. I started small and started asking for smaller things. I started by asking for lift with strangers. Surprisingly, I got and guess what? I made them my friends by praising them of their kindness. Eventually, I built my confidence and grew stronger every often. Later, I applied this simple principle of asking in other areas of my life. I got many things like the way I wanted most of the times and fewer times I was rejected as well. It felt worse to be rejected in the beginning. I felt like I was torn down by that big NO. But with time I learned to accept it as the part of game. The only thought that keeps me consoling for being rejected is: The chances of getting help would have been reduced by 100% had I refused to ask but by asking I increased the probability of getting it by 50%. It’s just simple mathematical logic. Isn’t it really cool? Now I am in a win-win situation. If I get help that would be wonderful and even if don’t, I lose nothing.  What’s loss in asking? Why should I fear on asking what I wanted? If he is pleased to offer help that’s great if he denies no worries, move ahead and ask someone else, but don’t get static. Being static causes no growth because all the progress lies in dynamism.

Why should I start habit of asking?
By starting to ask for help or things you need you will multiply your chances of achieving your goals. You will realize that much more opportunities are coming your way when you start getting YES for whatever you ask. If you go and ask for what you want straight with person who you think is a potential helper might deliver you even more than you wanted. For example, you asked a person for a book on personal development he might have got many CDs and books and maybe he will suggest you to attend seminars going in your town on the same topic. You can imagine you just asked for a book and you got unexpected resources to utilize for your self-growth. Similar incident happened with me last week in toastmaster’s meeting. I talked to a lady who has got very impressive speaking skills and talked of meditation on her speech. Once she took back her seat I asked her to explain me the meditation technique she followed and she was more than happy on sharing it with me. Besides, she offered me a book on meditation and invited me on yearly yoga and meditation camp run by her meditation center. It’s totally free for me. It all just happened because I asked her. I asked and got more than I have ever imagined. May be many of people in the room wanted to ask her about the same but they didn’t and you already know what they missed. It’s simple, more you ask the more you get.

There is always vast resource or mines of information around us which we can utilize for our benefit. But we have to ask before we can own them. If you wait for someone to come and offer it to you, there are chances that you will never get them. If you want to know something ask questions after questions until and unless you feel that you quenched your thirst of curiosity. You will then soon gain unshakeable confidence and unstoppable momentum. You will broaden your wish list and start making bigger plans and will ask for bigger helps. And you already know that bigger dreams and bigger plan leads to bigger success. You always wanted that right? Well, start asking then. Start small.

What if I hear NO?
I already said its part of the game. You must be ready to accept both side of coin when you tossed it in the air though you pray endlessly for one side to turn. Log on to your dictionary in brain and drag the word NO from negative word list to positive one. And edit it as abbreviated form of “Next Opportunity”. It would be much easier on going further when you start accepting NOs as well. But it’s not the end point; it’s not where you stop yourself from getting ahead in life rather it’s the beginning. You don’t have to turn yourself down or feel guilty when you hear no, Not at all. Because you lost nothing.

When you hear no, don’t stop yourself but promise yourself that you will ultimately get a YES. Just like a kid who never stops until you handle them what they wanted. They do almost everything to get what they wanted. They shout, cry, promise and request hundred times before you feel that they truly wanted and offer them what they wanted. Apply same principle here, request one more time when you feel that it’s all over now. Give him more reliable reasons why you wanted that. Maybe the person changes his mind. When you ask same thing several times it makes him feel that you are truly in need and will consider giving you because he also doesn’t want to look bad after all.

How to ask then?
 Is there any specific way to ask for what I wanted? Might not be universal but YES.
Everyone loves sweet coated pills. So why not prepare and deliver the same pill for asking what you need. Use your politeness and show your confidence while asking. Don’t hesitate to place your orders. Make the person clear about what you wanted. The chances of getting what you want depend on how you ask. You may like to start by praising their work and telling them how much you adore their work. For e.g. if you want to know how a person started his business and been to this level of success. He will not answer you open heartedly if you ask how you had all this success I also want to be like you.

But if you say I really love your hard work and success you achieved is unmatchable. I wish I was as half good as you are. Would you mind sharing me your story of starting business and struggles you faced along your way? He would give you information and ideas more than you ever needed because you coated your query with kind words and respect for him. Everyone of us are hungry for being valued and being respected.

Similarly, the mood of person plays another role. If you go and ask for what you needed when he just ended fighting with someone, you will get a straight, big NO. So wait a bit till he gets his calm and happy mood. When a person is happy, the chance of getting YES is easy.

I sometimes love getting help by helping them first. When I have to ask for something with tough people I start by winning their heart first. For this I help them with their job even when they don’t ask me to. Or sometimes I help their kids with homework. I just make them feel that I am also of use for them. Once you could win their trust and heart ask for everything you can, its straight yes every time.

Never assume that you might not get or the person will reject. Don’t limit yourself with your assumptions, live on reality and ask for whatever you want. You will then get it. This is the power of asking.

Thank you so much for reading this post. Please don’t forget to put a comment and share this with your friends and families. You can send your feedback directly at bjaygtm@gmail.com and like blog page on Facebook.

Happy asking!